Every year I look forward to receiving Christmas letters from friends I haven’t seen in years. It’s fun to read about how their lives are going and what their kids are doing. But I haven’t always enjoyed them. In the past when I’ve read them, I found myself having negative feelings of sadness and jealousy when reading news of what seemed like a perfect life. High-achieving children with eyes on a future career that would propel them to success. Rosy neighborhoods with beautiful houses, meaningful extended family time, and multiple vacations to places that would make your eyes pop out! When our sons were growing up, I enjoyed sending a picture and letter to friends, too. I tried to make it informative but not too “rosy,” but I probably didn’t always succeed.

As I’ve grown older, I realize that pictures and letters don’t always tell the whole story. In this fallen world, we all have challenges. Christmas letters don’t tell us that Trey’s heart was broken by his “first love,” that Sally got pregnant last year and had an abortion, or that Jeremy got suspended from school for a week. I happen to know that their marriage is rocky, despite the smiling picture that accompanies the letter.

As I pray for God to lead me to what he wants me to do and who he wants me to help every day, I have to ask myself — would I be able to relate to and help people know the Lord better if my life seemed so perfect? If I bragged that my children were breezing through life with God at the bow of the boat, would people see that I need you? Could I relate to those whose children are slowly paddling across an ocean of waves, frequently getting blown off course, not necessarily of their own doing but in trying to figure out life?

If my life was like a Christmas letter, would I look down on Christian friends whose kids have become teen parents, addicted to something, been arrested, run away from home? Would they come to me for support if my life seemed perfect?

There is a passage in the Bible that talks about us comforting one another: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-6)

One year we received a Christmas picture that was bent and torn, having gotten caught in a mail machine along the way. It occurred to me that this card was a more realistic picture of all of our lives. There are many good things that happen, but we all experience the “bent and torn” times when things aren’t going well.

I want to be more aware of those times so God can use me to comfort others as he has comforted me.